How to teach a child to be responsible

As a rule, parents are very scared and worried about the bad behavior of their children or the deterioration of their school performance, and they express their fear in a negative way, in particular, they begin to blame themselves for everything.

If problems persist, parents shift the blame onto other people or organizations. They blame doctors and teachers who cannot handle their child. And as the child gets older, the parents blame his friends or the neighborhood or the music he listens to. When a child becomes a young adult, they blame drugs, alcohol, or low culture in society. When a child fails to write a written work, the teachers are blamed for it. But do not rush to do this, but rather visit this website and help your child. This is how your child learns to write very good works.

But a really problematic situation arises when a child is found to have a serious behavioral disorder – then everyone begins to blame each other. Parents blame the teacher, the teacher blames the parents, the child blames both the teacher and the parents, and all this happens over and over again. Many parents simply get bogged down in all sorts of “battles” that do not help their children in any way. Of course, sometimes parents have to struggle to ensure that their children receive the most needed school services. But parents do not want to ask about school success. It happens that due to the fact that a child does not know how to write a written work, he has various disorders. With the help of you can help him in writing written works. And your child’s behavior will begin to change.

But all too often parents use these and other questions as an excuse to justify their child’s lack of behavioral or academic development, it becomes a habit that is incredibly difficult to get rid of. Parents literally become addicted to blaming others. After all, it is easier to fight a school than a child with a behavioral disorder. Again, this is not about the resistance that parents sometimes experience from the school, or about minimizing the demands on it. It is just important for parents to remember to focus their attention on the child himself! Specifically: why the child began to study poorly. If this refers to the fact that the child does not know how to write written works then do not worry, there is that can help you with this. A good resource for learning.

The main problem with excuses and excuses is that it does not help the child learn to manage himself or act in the right way. Accusations make it difficult for parents to take an objective look at their son or daughter. Undoubtedly, parents have every reason to fear for children who have behavioral problems or learning difficulties. Life is a demanding thing, and it starts to make these demands very early. Blame and excuse go hand in hand and prevent parents from realizing that regardless of the starting conditions, regardless of the severity of the problem, every child must learn to behave in a socially acceptable way. He must learn to solve problems and socially interact. True, there are cases when some children find it more difficult to study than others, and it takes more time. But that shouldn’t be an excuse

Excuses, excuses: what is your child’s excuse?

Children should not be allowed to blame other people, places or situations for not meeting expectations or completing a task. In fact, when a child blames someone else, he or she says, “It is not my responsibility because I have become a victim of this person, the label or the situation.” For example, using the classic phrase, “The dog ate my homework,” the child is actually saying, “I fell victim to the dog, so I don’t fall under the same standards that other children do, so I can’t be judged.” Rest assured, children who see themselves as victims of circumstance and are allowed excuses find it very difficult to fulfill the complex developmental demands of life at a young age.

When children try to portray themselves as victims in front of their parents or teachers, they need to be told, “Blaming the dog will not solve your problem. You have to complete your homework by the end of the day, otherwise you will get a bad grade. ” Parents can use this analogy when solving social problems. For example, in the family there is a rule: there is no violence in the house. Therefore, no matter how the child justifies for hitting his sister, no matter how he blames her for this, a consequence is provided for the fight. And let your child feel the effects of the fight immediately. At the same time, the consequences for inappropriate behavior must be clearly announced in advance and they must be clear to everyone. Remember, consequences are the logical consequence of a child’s wrong choices, not punishment for bad behavior.

On the other hand, when parents ask for forgiveness for their children and find excuses for them, they thereby minimize their problems. Often times, excuses are just explanations. A parent sends a note to the school with the following content: “Sasha felt bad. Please excuse him for being late. ” This is fine. But parents of children with behavioral problems are forced to give explanations every day, and these explanations turn into excuses for the child’s behavior. They come up with an excuse for the child’s refusal to do their homework. They justify a child who fights and argues with other children at home and on the street. They justify his rudeness. Sometimes this can be understood: a divorce has occurred in the family. Or there are some kind of family difficulties, and the problems of the parents affect the behavior of the children.

One cannot help but sympathize with parents whose children experience behavioral and social disorders and have learning disabilities. Their efforts to ensure good conditions for their children deserve immense respect. However, in reality, these supposedly negative (unequal) conditions that explain inappropriate behavior or lack of the right skills often become less and less significant over time. Whether diagnosed in early or middle childhood, these children need to grow up, mature, and learn to behave like adults.

Often, parents make a lot of effort to find the correct diagnosis, looking for reasons for changes in the child’s behavior. There are parents who solemnly declare that their child has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder or ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder), as if it makes a difference. No, it’s not like that. The bitter truth is that the child still needs to be taught the correct behavior. In such cases, parents make their child a victim – a victim of poor learning ability, a victim of mental health problems. This is how they justify the child’s misbehavior and learning difficulties.

The problem with victim thinking is that it kills the hope that the child will learn and take care of himself in the adult world. Know this: Adults diagnosed with ADHD or bipolar disorder also need to get up every morning and go to work, interact with coworkers, respect bosses, work, and be productive. Children with dyslexia, Asperger’s syndrome, or other disabilities must lead productive lives if they want to be successful in society. There are simply no workarounds.

If you see your child as a victim, he or she will eventually recognize himself as a victim. This is perhaps the most insidious attribute of blame and excuse, because it teaches children one of the worst beliefs: “Since I am a victim, the rules do not apply to me.” This is the real danger. There are rules that will certainly accompany the training. There are also rules that accompany individual (personality) change. Children who do not follow these rules often do not learn anything and do not change for the better. Too much attention is focused on the child as a “victim”, and not as a child – a direct participant in their own education and growing up.

Understand that justification is not a sign of bad parenting. It’s just ineffective. It is very difficult for parents to remain firm when their children are harder than others. But firmness is very necessary. For example, if a child has dyslexia, it is really hard for him to study at school. Nevertheless, he must learn. He needs to be provided with all the necessary help, but he himself must learn to write, read and behave in the adult world. His dyslexia is a problem that the child must learn to solve, and parenting is to help him. Parents cannot solve their child’s behavioral and educational problems. They must stop seeing their child as a victim and blame external conditions for their own difficulties.

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